If you do any of these three things, you’re old according to TikTok

Can’t us Millennials live in peace?!

Steve Buscemi with a skateboard and backward hat saying, “How do you do, fellow kids?”

If you, like me, are a millennial who begrudgingly downloaded TikTok as a joke last year but now can’t seem to unglue your eyes from the video-based app, then your worst fear has come to life: you might be considered “old.” Gen Z-ers on the virality-fueled app have been subtly ‘bullying’ millennials the moment we joined the application within the past year. Our Harry Potter obsession being playfully mocked, our weird codependent relationship with indoor plants criticized, and now, there are three more things we can’t enjoy without being dragged: Side parts, skinny jeans, and the “Laugh” 😂 emoji.

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There’s no argument that the Chinese-owned app is run by today’s teens, and whatever they say, goes. TikTok has even created a “Creator Fund,” where popular TikTokers are paid for their viral videos, raking in up to thousands of dollars. These young entrepreneurs average mostly from 11 to 16 years old, and many of them live together in “hype houses.” As is with every trend on TikTok, this month’s lineup seems to be the revulsion surrounding hair side parts (mostly on women), skinny jeans, and for some reason the beloved laugh emoji.

I myself have been victimized by a 21-year-old girl telling her mother the side part is equivalent to “an old man’s comb-over” in their generation. There’s even a trending sound called “middle part baddies” where a girl enthusiastically motivates you to finally switch up your hair to have a middle part! You bet your a** I ran to my mirror trying to see how my side-part that has survived 25 years can be kicked to the curb without me looking weird (update: it didn’t work.)

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Now they have come for the crying-face laugh emoji 😂, claiming it officially dead. What did he ever do to you, huh?!  Fortunately, there are alternatives to this emoji so people know you aren’t an ancient Grey’s-Anatomy-watching weirdo, such as the *skull 💀* emoji, (you laughed so hard you died,) or simply using the cut-off phrase “I––”, my personal favorite. If all this sounds very confusing, once again a fellow TikToker has come to the rescue with some helpful tips so you aren’t outed as “uncool” when texting your Gen-Z friends.

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As if we weren’t already plagued with identity crises with the big 30 looming in the horizon, this girl even has two different wardrobes based on the friend group she will be hanging out with. TikTok teen girls everywhere have trailblazed fashion of the 2020s, with fan favorites being baggy clothes. Yes, folks, even “mom-jeans” are outdated (Who can keep up?) Baggy jeans and platformed shoes are in, skinny jeans are out. Most of the clothing haul videos on the platform involve popular fast-fashion brands such as Shein, Dollskill among others. These are the brands that seem to be capitalizing on teen girl trends, offering patchwork baggy jeans and pastel-colored aesthetics. It’s true, fashion is meant to be ever-evolving and fluid. However, the only way you’ll get me to ditch my Levi’s skinny jeans is if you pry them from my cold, dead hands.